<3 people leaving a theatre>
Josh: THAT WUZ AWESOME!!!
Cid: I think I'm going to be sick.
Karen: What did you expect? You paid to go see the first two Transporner movies, to keep shelling out money for the same thing and expecting different results is Einstein's definition of insanity.
Cid: Wait, did you actually like it?
Josh: WHOOO!
Karen: All I'm saying is that I paid to go see giant robots fucking, and that's what I saw.
Josh: Yeah! Those robots fucked the shit out of each other!
Cid: You can watch that for free on the internet.
Josh: But not that big! The mechanical grinding sounds vibrated my whole seat. I felt like -I- was right there being fucked by Megapr0n!
Cid: It was too much! The problem with going this extreme and foregoing any substance means the next one will need to be even more perverse and extreme to capture people's interest.
Karen: It was just a porno.
Cid: I have seen plenty of well made porns, just because it's supposed to be dumb or low-brow doesn't mean it has to be badly made.
Josh: What are you talking about badly made!? I think my erection is calloused!
Karen: Yeah, I didn't like it but the rob-orgies were well put together.
Cid: The fact that it's doing so well just means that more movies are going to be made to this standard. It is hurting porno forever!
Josh: WHOOOO!
Cid: Shut up whoo! Even the people who defend it usually admit that it was horrible!
Karen: Well, yeah it was horrible but I'd already seen the first two, and I'd rather know about what I'm making fun of when I trash something.
Cid: You sound like you're trying to justify something you feel guilty about. If you have to start out your defence with anything that sounds like, "yeah, but," you've done something wrong.
Josh: I want to be extra bad! I'm going to see it again!
Karen: Well, the robo-kake was a bit much this time.
Josh: Whoooo!
Karen: And Analmus-Prime ripping off that other robot's head as he came bordered on snuff.
Cid: And let's be honest, we've progressed enough as a species that even our porn shouldn't be this rob-ist. Every robot stereotype known to man was thrown into this movie.
Josh: Guys, you're killin' me. There needs to be more fucking in this...uh... talking thing we're doing.
Karen: I still think you're reading too much into this. Everyone else is seeing this, why shouldn't I get to turn my brain off and enjoy the big-screen fucking?
Cid: Because it's not just mindless, it's anti-intelligence. This porn fucks you and leaves you in the cold rain craving just a bit more warmth.
Josh: Whooo?
Cid: Our collective gaze has the ability to create a porn holocaust, but no one wants to miss out on something this big so we all show up, renewing the cycle.
Karen: I will point out once again that you've seen all three now.
Cid: ... You're right. I am a part of the problem. My desire to be a part of the collective unconciousness outweighs my desire to create a future of meaningful loveless sex for the next generation. If my death will potentially take even $10 away from that evil director I will take it gladly. Goodbye.
<He takes a sword from his coat and commits hari-kari>
Josh: ... ... Where's the explosion?
POSSIBLE ENDER
Man in suit comes out.
MAN: Hello ladies and gentlemen. We've sure had some fun saying, "fuck" so much, but I'd like to talk to you about something serious for a moment: Michael B-AIDS. <perhaps revealing a poster revealing the spelling> Our current statistics show that 100% of you are likely to either be afflicted, or know someone who is inflicted by this brain-rotting virus. So far there is no known cure for Michael B-AIDS, but every movie admission you choose to spend on something not produced by this numbing, cancer-like demon will bring us closer to a solution. Please give generously to something with "wit, style, characterization, tension or even just panache."* Thank you and good night.
*paraphrased from message board writer NZLoki on The Guardian.
*Michael Bay has referred to his style as, "fucking the screen."
